We recently returned from our first major family vacation to none other than Disney World! (Yes! We survived!) As we prepped and planned for our trip I tried to anticipate any and all needs my children might have in advance. Fortunately for us, the trip went very smoothly. And so I've decided to share with you a few of the things that helped us make the trip to the Magic Kingdom a little more magical.
1) Book Online Through Disney - This made things so easy! We stayed at a Disney resort (Port Orleans -Riverside) which made getting around super easy. We could travel to the park via bus (where they drop you right at the entrance!) or to Downtown Disney by boat. It was really cool. We purchased a dining package so literally everything we needed was taken care of - and attached to our hotel room key. Nothing like not having to carry cash, etc. with you. And they'll even deliver your park purchases right to your hotel room for you.
2) Plan for the Traveling - We decided to drive rather than fly which meant that we spent a cozy 16 hours together in our car each way. Road tripping with little ones can be tricky, so I planned more for this than any other part! I packed a bag full of activities for them to do in the car - coloring pages of Disney characters, sticker books, crafts, bingo, look and find games, and movies to watch.
Here are a few of the activities that my kids really loved:
We also mapped out all the rest stops along the way so that we knew how far it was to the next stop (for potty breaks, stretching, and running off energy!). Rest stops were key for us. We would get the kids out of the car frequently and send them running laps around the grassy area. It seemed to help keep them in good spirits when they were stuck in their car seats. We also loaded our car with every time of snack imaginable. Amazing how well the kids will behave themselves with the promise of Oreos lingering over them! Pack your own refillable water bottles and snack containers too. This saves you $$ and is easier on the environment.
Photo op at a rest stop!
3) Relax - We knew that a hectic pace and trying to see everything in the parks was going to wear out the girls and leave them cranky. So we strolled around and did whatever we saw that we wanted to do. We spent about 6 or so hours at the park and then would head back to our hotel for swimming and movies. This seemed to keep the gals in good spirits the whole time. When we go back in a couple of years - we'll see the things we missed last time!
The girls with Princess Tiana
4) Make Your Own Magic - Before we left I made a quick trip to Target where I picked up packages of glow bracelets, princess crowns, glow wands, and tons of other little princess-related toys. Then when it got dark at the park I could break out our $2 glow bracelets instead of having to buy the girls the much more expensive ones they were selling there. The same goes with the princess costumes - buy one before you get there! No need to spend top dollar on one. Pick up a costume in advance and she'll be just as happy - even if it isn't the official Disney one. Our girls actually preferred their Disney nightgowns over the full costumes - and we're much more comfortable too! We also told the girls that if they were really good each day, Tinkerbell would fly into their hotel room and leave them a present on the window sill. This was one of the best parts for them. They loved jumping up each morning to see what little trinket Tink had left for them.
5) Be a Kid Yourself - My kids always have the most fun when we get into the fun too. We splashed in puddles when it rained, sang the song on "It's a Small World," wore glow bracelets, oohed and ahhhed at the fireworks, devoured desserts, swam in the pool, pretended to be a prince and princess, and generally through out all sense of adulthood whenever possible. The kids loved it. When we get to really play - we all have so much fun.
It's been over a month since I've posted. I know it's been a long time. And it's not that I haven't thought about posting. In fact, I've added it to my growing "To do" list so many times that I've now begun to stress over it. And it's not that I don't have things that I want to write about... our vacation to Disney... our gardening projects... awesome things I've discovered on the internet... new products I love... etc.
But right now I'm so busy running on the treadmill of life that indulging myself in blog writing hasn't been possible.
Do you ever have that feeling? Like you have so much on your plate that you can't stop for a minute to do something you actually enjoy? And even those things that are on your plate you don't usually mind doing (or even enjoy doing) like cooking dinner just becomes a chore instead of something you find joy in?
Today my goal is to enjoy the process. I must find joy in the treadmill. I will cook something I love. I will take pride in my work. I will cherish the moments with my children - no matter how crazy those moments can be. Today I must step back and enjoy life before it runs away with me.
Do you get caught up on the treadmill of life? And what moments do you try to stop and cherish?
This open adoption roundtable is on the topic: What openness means to me. Read all the responses at Open Adoption Bloggers! I asked members of our birth family to share their thoughts on openness with all of you. Here is what Tracy (Logan's birth grandmother and Caitie's mom) had to say...
Logan and Tracy
A lot of people tell me that since we already knew Jon and Ashley that our open adoption is the exception rather than the rule, but I have to disagree because I saw how open they were with their first daughter's birth mother before Logan was even born. When Caitie gave birth to Logan, and then Logan went home with Jon and Ashley, my focus was mostly on Caitie...making sure she was okay, knowing that I would truly never know what she was going through with her daughter now with other parents. As a little time went by, and we continued to visit Logan, it got easier and easier for both of us. Now when we see Logan, I know the right decision was made for both her and Caitie's lives.
I wish more young women could see how good Open Adoption can be for everyone involved. Caitie wasn't ready to raise a child, and had she kept Logan we would have made it work, but she would never have had all she has now. She has amazing parents, and a big sister. She also has more grandparents than any child I know. She has her parents families, and her birth parents families. I know I didn't loose a grandchild, I gained another branch to my family. So many young women keep their child out of a sense of obligation or guilt, when they really would be better off letting that child go to a family that wants a child and can't have one. One day Caitie will be able to tell Logan why she placed her with Jon and Ashley, and explain to her that she did it out of love. I know that Jon and Ashley talk to her about the subject now, and that is something else that lets me know that she went to the perfect family.
I never really thought about adoption, open or closed, until Caitie told me she was pregnant. After we talked, she made the decision to put her baby up for adoption, and we started looking into it. We were lucky that Jon and Ashley lived 2 doors down from us, and had adopted their daughter, so I went to talk to them about the process and what agency they used. Little did I know while talking to Jon that I was talking to the future father of my granddaughter. Thank you for sharing this Tracy. I hope that hearing your perspective on things is helpful to others in similar situations.
This open adoption roundtable is on the topic: What openness means to me. Read all the responses at Open Adoption Bloggers!
This was such a timely topic for me because I recently gave a talk at our Unitarian Universalist Community on our adoption and its openness. If fact, I've decided to modify that talk briefly here and post it. I hope you enjoy.
Love Defines A Family
Family. The word conjures up a variety of images, thoughts
and feelings for us. For some of you, it may call back a happy memory of baking
cookies with your grandmother at Christmas time. For others, it may invoke the
dread you experience when family gatherings loom ahead. For some of you, it may
fill you with happiness and pride as you glance at your significant other
sitting next to you or as you think of your children. As you are picturing your family, who are you thinking of? Your
parents? Your siblings? Your children? Your spouse? Your partner? Aunts,
uncles, cousins, grandparents? Close friends? Pets? Who counts as our family?
Today, the U.S. Census defines a family as “a group of two
or more people who reside together and who are related by birth, marriage, or
adoption.” While that definition can serve a useful purpose for tracking
statistics, it’s a rather archaic and limiting definition! But how do we define
who our family is?
Perhaps one of the biggest impacts on our familial
relationships in the United States’ history comes from cultural shifts in
marriage that took place in the mid-18th century. Prior to this
time, men and women had little choice in which they married. Marriages occurred
in order to meet the economic and political needs of a particular family group.
But by the mid- to late- 18th century, society was evolving and
individuals began marrying for love and the cultural ideal became that of the
breadwinner husband and homemaker wife. Unfortunately few could attain this
ideal as there were not many jobs that allowed a man to support his family on
his salary alone. The economic prosperity of the country post WWII
changed all of this, transforming families in the 1950s and early-1960s into
the “Ozzie and Harriet” families of my grandparents generation.
My grandparents on their wedding day.
These couples
married young, remained married, and had many children. This is what we
typically think of as the American family. But, this type of family didn’t
remain the norm for long. In the late-1960s and 1970s divorce rates rose,
children born to unmarried women increased, and people began waiting until they
were older to get married.
Families have continued to become more and more
diverse since that time. Today, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.
Single parents account for 27 percent of family households with children under
18, and one in three children is born to unmarried parents. Due to a variety of
circumstances, 2.4 million grandparents are the primary caregivers for the
children in their families. 1.6 million children under the age of 18 live with
their adoptive parents. Interracial families are becoming more and more
prevalent with 2.8 million children under age 18 and nearly 7 million Americans
of all ages identifying as multi-racial. There are more than 4.5 million
married and unmarried couples in the United States who are mixed racially or
ethnically. The idea of “marriage” or “partnerships” has changed dramatically
as well. The number of unmarried partner household increased by 72 percent
between 1990 and 2000, from three million to more than five million. Estimates
show that the number of same-sex households has grown significantly, and approximately
two million minor children are being raised by lesbian and gay parents.
These modern families are no longer the “Ward and June
Cleaver’s” of our past. But who counts? Can our friends be our family?
Godparents? Foster children? Step siblings? Mentors? Pets? Spiritual community
members? It’s pretty clear that the Census Bureau’s definition is inadequate,
but how do we define a family?
I’d like to propose a definition of family to you, but in
order to do so I need to tell you a bit about our family. On the
surface, we appear much like the traditional nuclear family – mom, dad, and two
kids. And we certainly came from traditional backgrounds.
Jon and I both grew up in very similar households
in Indiana – mom, dad, son and daughter. Neither of our parents ever divorced.
Jon and his family.
Me and my family.
Our moms stayed at home while we were small and joined our dads in the workforce
once we were school age.
Jon and I met and married while we were in college,
expecting to start a family at some point in our futures – much like our
parents had done.
Jon and I on our wedding day.
We spent the first five years of our married lives navigating
graduate school and our careers. Like many newlywed couples we
“practiced” parenting on pets. They were the first addition to our family – and
we very much considered them part of the family.
And then one day I announced
to Jon that I was ready for human children. Jon, certain that we should never
be responsible for anything more complex than our golden retriever, cautiously
agreed. My overly responsible personality sent me to the doctor for a complete
physical prior to trying to conceive. I was intent on exercising, eating right,
and making sure that my tummy was the ultimate living environment before our
perfect child took up residence there. What began as my OCD check-up, evolved
into the news that I was not able to conceive and carry a child. Ever the
pragmatist, the next day I picked up the phone and called a local adoption
agency to see what was involved in adopting a child.
A few weeks later we met with a social worker who began to
walk us through the adoption process. We had the choice between a traditional
closed adoption and the newer “open adoption.” In traditional closed adoptions,
no identifying information is exchanged between the birth families and the
adoptive families. We would never meet and never know who the other was. Our
children would know very limited information about their origins and would
never know who their birth parents were. In open adoption, we would have more
information. It could range from exchanging pictures and letters to visiting
with each other face-to-face. Our social worker explained how open adoption had
been shown to be the best situation for both the birth parents and the
children. Birth parents could have the knowledge that their children were safe
and happy. Children would know where they came from and no longer have the
nagging questions that adoption can bring – who do I look like? Why did they
give me to someone else? Do they love me?
After careful thought, a ton of research, and a good deal of
counsel from our social worker - we knew that open adoption was the way we
needed to go. To be the best parents, we had to do what was best for our children
– and that meant giving them as much information about their origins as
possible.
So we prepared an adoption profile – essentially a
scrapbook of photos of ourselves with a letter to potential birthmothers
explaining why we wanted to adopt. When a birth mother contacts the agency she
reviews these profiles and selects families to interview. We carefully crafted
our profile and waited. And waited. After what seemed like an eternity (and was
actually only a couple of months) we received a phone call from our attorney. A
birth mother had contacted their agency. She had just delivered a baby girl and
wanted to create an adoption plan for her. She had asked to look at some
profiles and was interested in families similar to ours. Our attorney wanted to
know if we wanted her to look at our profile. Our answer? A very enthusiastic
yes!!!
A few days later we received another call. The birth mother
wanted to meet us. She was going to interview us and one other family. Then she
would choose which family to place her daughter with. I cannot adequately
describe the anxiety involved in preparing for this interview. It was the
ultimate job interview. The only information we had was that the birth mother
was young – a teenager. She was bringing her two aunts with her. Our attorney
described her as unique – mentioning that there were some tattoos and
piercings. That was it.
I must have spent ten hours mulling over my wardrobe. How
was I, a researcher and self-proclaimed nerd, supposed to appeal to a tattooed
teenager? How was I going to look cool enough to win this interview show down? What
does a teenage girl look for in the ideal parents? I was close to losing my
mind.
But, the interview went just fine. The birth
mother, Laycee, was sweet and shy. Her aunts were warm and friendly. They told
us about the baby – a chubby little girl with a shock of bright red hair that
they had named Autumn. As I squeezed the hand of my red-headed husband, I knew
we were meant to be her parents.
A few days later, we received another call. They wanted to
interview us again - this time with Laycee’s boyfriend. Again, the interview
went well. We laughed and talked about the things we liked to do in our spare
time, what we hoped our child would have in life, and how we thought we’d be as
parents.
A week went by and we heard nothing. We had sat and stared
at the phone for 7 days – scared to leave the house for fear it would ring
while we were away. Finally, my nerves couldn’t take it anymore. I was
stressed. I was frustrated. I needed to get away.
Jon and I did what any rational, responsible couple would do. We headed to the casino. We would gamble away our troubles. A few
hours later and $75 down, we headed home. No one had called while we were gone.
I turned off my cell phone and fell into bed convinced they had not liked us.
We were not going to be parents.
The next morning, I cautiously glanced at my cell phone.
There was a missed call and voicemail from our attorney. Listening to that
voicemail was surreal. They had picked us. We would bring our daughter home in
three days.
After calling our moms, siblings, grandparents and close
friends – we spent the next few days purchasing every pink baby item in the
city, outfitting the nursery, and panicking over our new parent status. What
had we gotten ourselves into?
November 5, 2008 finally arrived and we anxiously
drove to the adoption agency. There I saw the most beautiful baby I had ever
laid eyes on.
We signed mountains of paperwork.
We agreed to exchanging photos and emails as well as monthly visits with
Laycee and her family. Finally, Laycee handed me our daughter. We were both
sobbing as we made promises to each other. I promised to be the best mother I
could possibly be. Laycee promised to always be a part of her life. We both
promised to love this precious little girl forever.
And in that instant our family changed forever.
We were parents to a baby girl who we named Lorelai Autumn. Not only that but
we had just acquired a whole extended family that we didn't even know about
yet. Over the next year and a half we became a part of a huge,
loving family of birth aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and friends. We
didn’t just adopt Lorelai – we adopted a whole family, our family adopted their
family, and their family adopted us.
We had just gotten used to our new definition of family,
when there was a knock at our front door. Our neighbor had come to talk to us
about our adoption. Her teenage daughter was pregnant and wanted to place the
baby for adoption. We shared our story with her and gave her the information
for our agency.
A few days later our teenage neighbor Caitie and her
boyfriend Sean came over to talk with us. Coincidentally, they knew Lorelai’s
birthmother and were familiar with our arrangement. After a brief discussion, we agreed that we would adopt their baby.
The next six months were a flurry of action as we
went to ultrasounds and prepared for the arrival of another little girl. The
birth family even threw us a joint baby shower where Caitie and I opened baby
gifts together – the two moms to this soon-to-arrive baby girl. We signed
agreements outlining a similar relationship to that of Laycee and her family.
And finally one night, Caitie called. She was in labor. We headed to the
hospital and waited.
36 hours later I watched my beautiful baby
Logan Renee enter this world. And again our family changed. Once again we
adopted a little girl and her entire birth family.
And then something truly unexpected happened.
We
watched in awe as we saw the birth families from our two separate adoptions
become a family. Laycee didn’t come to visit Lorelai anymore. She now came to
visit both Lorelai and Logan. Caitie and
Sean came to see “the girls.” Birth grandmothers came to see their
granddaughters. It was amazing.
And now we are a part of one VERY large family, but unlike
the census definition I mentioned earlier, we aren’t a family defined by blood,
housing arrangements, or legal agreements. We are the epitome of the modern
American family. Our family has grown and evolved in a number of ways – through
marriage, adoption, and circumstance. Who became a part of our family
wasn’t limited to biological or legal connections, but was instead inclusive of
all who touched our hearts in some special way.
We are a family because we are there for each other. We
trust each other. We support each other. We want each other to be successful
and happy. We respect one another. Above all else, we love each other. And
that’s how we define family. At the end of the day, family is who
you love. It can include those connected by blood, adoption, legal bindings,
friends, pets, spiritual community, or any other myriad of circumstances. How
you found each other doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you did… and you
love one another.
Last night I tested out a new recipe that I adapted from Pinterst... and it was a hit with both the kids and the grown ups in our house. Making mac n cheese into finger food = awesome idea!!!
Vegan Macaroni and Cheeze Bites
1 1/2 c. elbow macaroni, boiled in salted water, and drained
1 1/2 c. cheddar shreds (I used Daiya)
Blend:
1 package firm silken tofu
1/4 c. soy milk
2 T. nutritional yeast
1 T. corn starch
1 T. butter (I used Earth Balance)
1/2 t. onion powder
1/2 t. garlic powder
1/2 t. salt
Heat the oven to 375. Grease two muffin pans with cooking spray.
Mix all the ingredients for the blend in the blender or food processor until smooth.
In a large bowl stir together the macaroni, the cheese, and the blend. Spoon into the prepared muffin pans.
Bake at 375 for 30 minutes or until the edges are nicely browned and the middle is firm.
Cool in pan for a few minutes before you gently dump them out.
Makes 18 smallish muffin-size macaroni bites or 48 tiny mini-muffin bites.
I've been hunting for a good cookbook to help me come up with creative new ideas for the kids. Unfortunately there seems to be a limited number of vegan "kid" food cookbooks out there. Especially when I'm looking for recipes for an extremely picky eater! But just as I was about to give up... I checked out Pinterest!
And thus a new board was born... Meet "Vegan Kids" my latest compilation of great pins on Pinterest. I'll keep updating as I scour the internet looking for great ideas to try.
Let me begin with a little backstory on my family before I talk about the book. Specifically, let me talk about parenting my eldest child. Lorelai is four. She is a bit of a handful. What do I mean exactly? She's assertive. She's passionate. She's persistent. She's unbelievably intelligent. She's a born leader. She's motivated. All things that will make her an AMAZING adult, but are ABSOLUTE HELL to deal with in a four-year-old! I've read a number of parenting books. Pick one. Odds are I've read it. I've tried everything. Child misbehaves. Put her in time out. Child throws a tantrum. Ignore it until the child stops throwing the tantrum. SHENANIGANS! You know what happens when I ignore my little one? She keeps throwing her tantrum. At the top of her lungs. For hours! Hours! To the point that she makes herself vomit. And then keeps going! Yup. Ignore the tantrum you say? No. That doesn't work here. Time out is pretty ineffective too. She will sit there until her time is up and then resume the previously forbidden activity where she left off.
But as I was stumbling about in cyberspace attempting to find a solutions to our many parenting dilemmas, I found a review of this book. And I thought, why not? What's one more book? I'll give it a try.
I swear to you... I read the first chapter of the book and was literally about to call the police. This author had to be stalking us. She had to have cameras in our house. She had written a book about my daughter! The examples were exactly the things my daughter had done. The very frustrations that I had been ready to pull my hair out over where being detailed in the pages. How had she done this? Had Mary Sheedy Kurcinka been reading my diary????
Ok. Probably not. But wow. Let me just say that if your child is more intense, more sensitive, more perceptive, more persistent, or more uncomfortable with change than the average child... YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK! Not only will it explain WHY your child is this way, it will make you feel SO good about it! These are good traits! We just need to know how to parent children with those traits differently. And then, you get practical tips for how to handle all of those difficult situations that parents like my husband and I encounter on a daily basis... getting the kids dressed (which can take hours sometimes!), getting the kids in the car (again... hours!), dinner time, bed time... you name it, there is a better way to handle it!
I started trying some of the suggested tips and EUREKA! Lorelai responded beautifully. I feel like I should write the author a thank you note. I guess that's kind of what this is. Thank you Mary! You're my hero!!!
I even ordered the workbook that goes along with the book and am anxiously awaiting its arrival.
Go ahead. Get the book. Even if your child isn't "spirited," mine is. And I want you to know how great she is when you have to deal with her have the pleasure of spending time with her!
